Walls

Walls. It is hard to tell whether we put walls up to shield ourselves from the outside or to keep the outside from getting to us. Sometimes we put walls up that are so high for anyone to climb so we become trapped. For some, the walls also have caution tapes on them. They build high walls then create fear for those who attempt to climb them. Sometimes, the outside world no longer seem like a safe place And from behind those walls, there is still fear of who would dare to climb I read a quote somewhere about people building walls to see whose brave enough to climb over them For some, climbing over these walls might be an evasion of their alone time. For others, it might take some adjustment... Walls are protective- Walls are Safe- They might not be the safest or the best way, but they work They work in ways that words fall short to describe When you are hurting, you need a reason to feel like things will be OK again, build your wall. Things happen that will make you wish you never met people. You go places and you wish you never went. Life comes at you fast, but you have to be able to bounce back every time. Take time to build those walls that will keep you safe. Take time to find yourself in the midst of the noise. If you need to remove yourself from everything, then that is what you do. Walls can be security. Take care of yourself and if the world dare to climb, let them.

Happy Birthday JuJu

Often times, we don't give people their roses while they can still smell it. We wait to say the most heartfelt things at funerals and these days on social media. For some of us with African parents, our people do not get the love and affection they are due. Facebook and emojis are not enough for what they do and most times, they do not reach them. This month I want to celebrate a woman who deserves all the praises and my gratitude. Unfortunately, she cannot read this because she is illiterate. She did not get formal education, but she is one of the smartest people I know. I wanted to document this for my children and all the world to know about Ma Julia (known to many as Juju) and her tireless service and love. 

Growing up in Liberia, having a maid is not a big deal. It doesn't mean you are wealthy (although that is the case for some). It simply means you can afford to have that necessity. Labor is very cheap so you find families with maids, security guard, Errand boy, etc. My family was blessed to have Ma Julia with us for most of my early childhood and teen years. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, iron our school uniform, grocery shop and did everything to keep the house in order. She was employed to be our maid, but became family. I remember watching her memorize the entire grocery list because she could not read the actual list to the market. I admired her as my mother would red out loud each items and she would nod and take mental note.  She could remember a list of over 50 or more items without any mistake every single time. Talk about amazing! Among all that she did, were the things that were not part of her job description that touched me the most...When I first started liking boys, it was not a friend that I shared it with; it was Juju. She told me "man business cant pass, just take your time". When I first saw my period, it was not my mother I told; Juju was right there telling me what to do and what it meant. "You woman na ooo" When I used to wet my bed as a young child, I would confide in her and she will change the sheets without telling anyone. That was our little secret and she protected it. Thanks Juju! When I broke a glass and knew I was getting a beating for it, she covered it up for me. we never spoke about it after that day. As a teen, she was my sound board. When I needed to complain about my teenage life, or talk about boys, fashion, or celebrities (Lil Bow Wow), she was there to listen. Julie would sometimes offer advise or most times just listen and say "norma yeah?" meaning sorry. When I cried about things she knew she could not offer solutions to, she would say  "I na know what to teh you oo, bor keep talking" (I do not know what to tell you, but keep talking). Now, that's love!

I know I can never pay her back for her time and service, but I hope my continuous gratitude towards her keeps her smiling. I spent over 10 years abroad and came back right into her arms. She is still my maid because she refused to "just sit down". I've tried to get her to play another role in my life, but service is her calling. On May 1st she celebrated another year on this earth. She told me she didn't want anything, but to see me happy and to get her a grandchild (laughs). Julie is one of a kind. Everything I know about housework, she taught me. I even learned a little Bassa (A Liberian dialect) from her. Every chance she got, she told me "Don't worry, I will do it" and this made life so easy growing up. I owe most of my happy childhood days to her. I got to play with my friends and skip chores because I had Julie. I cannot write everything she did as this might take me all year. There are those who do and we see and then there are people like Julie. I am grateful Love you Julie! THANK YOU JUJU FOR YOUR LOVE, SERVICE & CONTRIBUTION TO THE WOMAN I AM TODAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND GOD BLESS. 

The List

Some women have a list of what they would want their "perfect" guy to be. I quote perfect because we all know saying perfect and a guy in the same sentence is hysterical.

Well, back to this post. Some people will make a list (mental or physical) of what they want in a partner. Obviously, the list varies and because women are allegedly complicated (COUGH COUGH ), we have longer list. If we are complicated, sometimes....well, we most certainly are not complicated most times, but you get the gist.

As we grow and matures, you start to see that the list of what you want is really just things we wish to have, but they are impossible standards to hold people to. 

Now I know some women are lucky to meet the guys on their list There is always that ONE exception of course- Go you! Whether your guy now is the guy from your list or not,  I wanted to make a few points about compromising.

I have come to realize that with age and maturity, come changes to items on the list. It is no longer just that perfect guy. It has nothing to do looks or other physical characteristics. What becomes important is YOU and how happy he/she makes YOU. Your list can have all those nice qualities and attributes, but you must have those same one to attract others. You cannot be asking for apples and holding gin. If you can't offer apples, at least have a fruit.

When you meet him/her and you start to discover things that makes YOU happy and your definition of happiness itself start to change, trust me, the list would not matter! Do not get me wrong because some things on our list as women are pretty damn important. Look at Lauren...

What girl doesn't want a guy with nice eyes and hair?!? *insert sarcasm here* A pretty face would not pay the bills and a hefty bank account certainly would not perform in the sheets. You most certainly can still have these things from your "perfect guy" without requiring them prior to knowing him.

As we grow and matures, things on your list start to become trivial. When you are stuck at a job you hate and he sends a note to brighten your day, the list is far less important

When your car is covered with snow and he shows up to get you out and ready for a job interview, you will not have time to review your list. As you get to know people, you get to add new things to your list or erase those things that didn't really matter. (cough cough Blue eyes Bobby) You find yourself spending more time adding thing that will only make YOU happy and erasing those things that was appealing to the eyes of others.

If you are still trying to find a partner that will fit certain attributes, I caution you to start over on a whole new page. Get a list that focuses on YOU as a person and all that life has taught you about love.

Let your list reflect someone that would give happiness a whole new meaning.

After all, who needs abs when you can discuss retirement plans or point out why Africa is the poorest richest continent ?

I hope this inspires someone to take a good look at what they are looking for in a partner